these my dreamz

2009-06-14T23:45:00.003-04:00

"A lot of people think dreams are out of control and weird, but they're really an accurate mirror of our lives. Once you're aware of what's happening, they can be incredibly inspiring."

Ally Deheza of School of Seven Bells

dreams 029 & 030

2009-06-14T00:27:00.006-04:00

I was at a concert at a stadium w/April and my dad. The girl who was singing was formerly in a 90's girl pop band. She'd try to rile up the crowd by asking if she should sing one of their old hits...and no one cared or answered. I felt guilty, so I yelled, "YEA!!!"

I was with my dad. I told him I was hungry in an attempt to get him to suggest we go to a restaurant. He told me I'd just eaten and didn't need to again. We argued and I said mom never bought good groceries and I did. We drove by a bunch of industrial plants/factories and they stretched on for miles. There was a 50 Cent song playing & I knew and sang all of the words. "Pay ya bills" were some of the lyrics as we drove and (for some reason?) it was significantly related to the plant we were driving by. There were soooo many tanks filled with chemicals and gases and I wondered why they didn't just combust. Dad told me that they had been in business for a very long time and were very safe (..even though they were a cigarette butt's throw away from the freeway.) We got off the freeway and were stopped in a neighborhood on the west side and all of a sudden my dad was a really old man. We heard a vacuum cleaner start up in the distance and he said something like "I wonder if a cat is going for a ride!" - as in, the person was vacuuming and the cat sat on the vac while the person maneuvered it. I thought it was strange that a) my dad was so old and b) that he was concerned and knowledgeable about cats, because I'd never known him to be particularly interested in cats. I got a job at one of the factories I'd driven by. My job was to sort materials, in this case, data cds. Roseanne (like, Roseanne Barr, from "Roseanne") was a babysitter who lived on the grounds of the factory and I went there on my break. Her house smelled like cigarettes and mildew. I told her I missed her, as she was my childhood babysitter.

dreams 025, 026, 027 & 28 (with brevity)

2009-06-12T13:13:00.004-04:00

Jordan Badnell
bike
stats135
my stats135 lecturer Peter Sprangers
silver Hummer
skiiing tricks
shower

house party at my childhood home on Stillwater Drive
No one would help me take care of the party & guests.
I was raped by 3 guys + girl.
cum everywhere
inspected by dad; uncomfortable

chased by two guys + girl
hid in library & antique shop
movie/mystery
Jackie little
Glenn Close
hotel room
We killed a man because he snuck in her room which allowed us to sneak in and wash ourselves.
I was popping a zit in the mirror.
She gave us clothes and we devised a plan to escape the people that were looking for us.

Abbey, April & I were at a place in the mall getting "massages"
laid in stream-like pool, coffin-size, flowing water
eels, whole turkeys, dumplings in the water - supposed to slough skin as they passed over body
Olive Garden in food court- Jeff, Charlotte, Carrie, Kevin - gave me a bite of ravioli
Forever 21 - clothes all the way out into the walkway, thought that was a weird store design strategy
Design Within Reach - we loved everything, talked about how I loved wood furniture..almost got locked in store at closing time

dream 024

2009-06-12T13:10:00.001-04:00

Mickey Avalon was an asian artist and my friend and I were trying to help him out at his art show by setting up and collecting the tagged/"sold" pieces. He sold three pieces for $6000+ and he was bitching because he usually made a lot more than that. His family was there and his nieces were about to start high school even though they were only 10 -ish years old and they were saying that 4 years was soooo long and they didn't want to wait that long to graduate. I burst into tears and told them that I'd just graduated and that instead, after they'd graduated high school they'd be saying "how did 4 years go by so fast?"

dream 023

2009-06-12T13:07:00.002-04:00

Sam (my 13-year old family dog who was put to sleep last summer) was alive..I was petting him and all of a sudden his skin turned blood red..his foot had fallen off..I was saying goodbye because I thought he was dying, but he didn't..his toe nails had fake nails underneath that were each a different color and labeled with a fruit that corresponded with the color...he turned into a blue pig, then a green Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle..he had to lay still...but then Jessi Middleton's mom came and he bolted out the door and seemed fine...Jen would not go chase after him and all I had on was a tank top and a pair of granny panties. A cop pulled up and asked what was going on.

dream 022

2009-06-12T13:02:00.003-04:00

I was going to visit Greg. He lived kind of far away in a small town. Took note of trashy places I'd walk by that greg had mentioned before in passing and used them to navigate my way to town. I packed my belongings in a plastic Walmart bag. I was alone on the side of the road fishing for something in my bag and a truck of 20-year-old-ish guys drove by. I was dressed really nice, since I was going to see Greg and meet his family. The guy yelled as they drove by, "you're gonna be my girlfriend!" Then they drove by again and whistled, and then back the opposite direction once more as he yelled, "you're gonna date me!" I was worried they thought I was a hooker but I wasn't wearing anything hooker-like that would make them think that. Apparently no one in that town had ever seen anyone like me and people kept stopping me on the street asking if I was a famous actress.

I met a boy who took me to the school in town. We headed to class and from the start, the evil teacher had it out for me, as did the students, except for a few of them, plus the boy who's befriended me. I got all answers right. I tried not to offend when answering correctly adfter a little boy/girl? who'd gotten it wrong. When I answered he/she became furious and spontaneously combusted and all of his/her body pieces flew into a cubby along the wall. Finally he/she morphed back into a body and the teacher told him/her that he/she could use his/her powers to do whatever he/she wanted to do to me, and I pleaded that he/she not kill or harm me, and gently explained myself and tried to get him/her and the rest of the class on my side so they'd stop feeling threatened by me and wanting me out of there. The rest of the class went fine, until another girl answered incorrectly. her punishment, or so I thought, came when the teacher smacked her upside the back of her head. Dust flew out of her head and the teacher explained that that had some importance. She took the girl outside and continued to slap her head as they walked across and down an adjacent street. There was a family of homeless people huddled on the opposite corner they were walking, and as we, still in the classroom, watched out the window, I was the only one who thought it was weird that they nor any of the passersby thought that she was harming the girl. They didn't come back.

Then, I was at my Nana Bruschart's huge house. (She died when I was really little and I have no memory of her or her house or where she lived, so this whole part of the dream is all completely conjured up y my brain.) We were all wearing VERY elaborate 1700s-style dresses.

dream 021

2009-06-12T12:49:00.001-04:00

The thing to do was to go swimming in the river. I couldn't get KTZ to go with me because of the rats. I went down to the river and saw a bunch of dead rats floating face up on the water. All of a sudden Amanda Gerstner floated up on a raft. I showed her my new tattoos and we chatted and she told me I could hold on to her raft and float down the river. I was apprehensive because of the rats, but went anyway. I tried to avoid floating near any of them because I was terrified of touching them. I ended up doing so anyway, though, and found out that all of their insides had been removed by whatever predator was killing them all. I used that as a reason to get Katie to come swimming. She told me that she'd found a new and better place to swim, and that it was the in the observation level of the water tower. I told her that that was disgusting and dirty and it reminded me of that movie with Elijah Wood as a child, called "War."

old dreams

2009-06-09T01:18:00.001-04:00

(from an old xanga post dated October 23, 2002)

i keep having these dreams that i'm dying.. and i know i'm about to die, and i keep thinking "i wish i had told my family how much i love them".. & these dreams where people confront me about my addiction to porn.

old dreams

2009-06-09T00:26:00.004-04:00

(found post from my old xanga account, dated January 31, 2005)

As of late, I've been having some pretty fucked up dreams. Not only that, but in 3-hour naps after school, the usual 4-5 hours of sleep I get each night, and any other measly amount of sleep I manage to get, I'll have multiple dreams, the most - to my record - being 5. Lucky for you, I've recorded them all.

dream 001: cast of characters: internet steve
steve used to have a picture on myspace of him doing a backflip. i dreamt i was there when the photo was taken. & then i proceeded to go to jamie vernon's house and we made out hxc.

dream 002: cast of characters: zack starkey
i don't even know this character in real life, though i have seen him at least 50 times on & around campus, gallery hops, shows, etc. he was having an art show and he was putting away his pieces as i watched. i noticed he had the most beautiful green eyes.

dream 003: anal masturbation. (no, not on myself..sick.) the end.

dream 004: cast of characters: josh guyton, random boys, nana
i was waitressing at a restaraunt in arizona (it was the restaraunt at which i ate my 17th birthday dinner with my mom, sister, and grandparents). i saw josh and 3 other guys behind the kitchen doors at the bar with their backs against the wall. my nana had died, but no one told me.

dream 005: cast of characters: cindy crawford, random co-workers & customers, friends, my grandma shirley & her 25 year old boyfriend, guy from garden state
lesbian sex with cindy crawford & a list of positions to try. 30 year old guys (customers of drug mart) were in a car with connie (a woman i work with) - she was taking us all home because we were in the middle of a horrid storm. i was on my way to the lennox with the gang and, against my dad's wishes, i went to visit my grandma shirley (who is estranged and i have no idea where she is. my family has not spoken to her in 8 years.) she had a very attractive 25 year old boyfriend who was acting obviously shy because he was embarassed that i was closer in age to him than my grandma. i met some random guys & went to their house where we sat in their attic and talked. i was with the girls, though i don't recall actually seeing them in the dream. we each had a guy, and mine was the guy from garden state who invented silent velcro. he left the room and his friends told me that he had a wife and kids. he subsequently fled the scene.

dream 006: cast of characters: unmentionable here
over time i've had multiple dreams in which a certain friend of mine 'steals' the guy of my interest. the friend & i were somewhere with the guy that i liked. he started showing interest in her, and she returned it. all of the girls (especially one in particular) got so mad at me and told me i had absolutely no right and was a bitch for being upset and for 'interfering.' i was so completely heart broken. and then i was at a restaraunt at the outdoor patio and a cop walked up and asked to search my bag. i had weed on me and i was so scared he would find it, but he only found a zone bar and asked me to throw it away.

dream 007: cast of characters: unmentionable*, and a random family and model that do not exist in real life
i was at a school dance on a camp ground. johnny* and i spotted eachother and embraced for a really unusually long period of time. then he said he had fucked his date under a table. then i was driving home from polaris and got lost. so i went to this huge house i somehow knew the security code to. it belonged to a family that owned a car dealership and whos mom/wife my mom went to high school with. i went in and walked around and then someone came home. i was terrified. it was some model who was living with them, and she was being so mean to me and threatening to call the police. then the little kids came home and were really mean to me too and ran to get mommy & daddy. the parents came and were super nice and the dad offered to drive in front of me on my way home to make sure i got there okay.

dream 008: cast of characters: 2 brothers & sisters that don't exist in real life, a girl i went to high school with but never knew her name
2 brothers & sisters were engaging in incestuous sexual activity. later, i saw a girl whom i've never spoken to but went to my high school. she talked to me about the photojournalism program at ou and how much she loved it there.

dream 009: sarah + her mom, maccauly caulkin, friends, jenna bland
i was pregnant and wrote about it on my xanga. sarah got in trouble because her mom read it and assumed she was pregnant too. later, i was at meijer and maccauly caulkin was my cashier and also my cousin. i was highly attracted to him. i walked all around the store trying to figure out how to steal gum & candy for the movie. meijer showed movies in a theater, but the group of people i was with could not find it. but then i remembered it was in the back of the store, upstairs. they showed only one movie - a scary home-made film, and the theater was a tiny, cobwebby, dark, lonely, scary room. there were about 10 wooden chairs scattered all about, and the "theater" was very informal - it was like someone's basement. there were scary decorations everywhere and it was a lot like a haunted house. my friends made me enter first. i kept my eyes closed because i was so scared (i had been there before.. in a prior dream, which is really fucking weird.) jenna bland was the person who ran the meijer movie in both dreams i had about it (which is also weird because i can't even remember the last time i talked to her.) this place obviously does not exist in reality.

dream 010: cast of characters: unmentionable*
timothy* and i were standing next to eachother by a microwave. we were not speaking, but our thoughts would scroll across the window of the microwave, exactly like an instant message on a computer screen.

dream 011: cast of characters: john vance, jamie elder, sam corlett, kate sweeney, ian bates, children, unmentionable girl* and people that don't exist in real life
i saw john at a hospital. we were standing next to eachother, not speaking. he was calling me, but he had no telephone, nor did i. he had a box stitched to the back of his neck and it startled me. he was calling me to explain. "DON'T EAT THE BLACK PIECES OF RICE!" he said, "IT'S THE BINARY STAR!" i was walking in the rain, and sought dryness in the underground sidewalk of bre's neighborhood. all of the houses had tarps over them to shield from the rain. they were all painted the exact same color of blue, and looked exactly the same. to get out of the neighborhood, i had to walk through someone's back patio. i saw a mini-disc player & mini-discs all over the place. i got very, very angry at the fact that they had mini-discs, because who the fuck uses mini-discs?! i kicked them everywhere and threw them all over the place. i walked out of the yard and past the front door, hoping it would be shut and the owners would not see me. however, it was jamie elder's house, and she was having a birthday party. i got very scared because she'd seen me, and i tried to run away, but in a very cartoon-like fashion, my legs were moving but i was not going anywhere. having seen me, she asked me to join the party. i felt guilty doing so, considering i'd just smashed all of her mini-discs. her hair was straightened & she was not wearing glasses. i walked in the front door and ian, sam, & kate were sitting on the couch. i walked to the basement where the action was, and i first saw a 10ish year old boy with his hand in his pants - masturbating! i was in disgust & yelled at him to stop. a bunch of really ghetto white people came down the stairs and were followed by a group of men that varied greatly in appearance but all had the same distinct eyes - exactly like jamie's. i knew they were her family members. a very spanish-looking man came right up to my face and got so close as if to kiss me. i was very shocked & asked wtf he was doing. he explained that it was a family ritual at birthday gatherings to give all of the guests the "love" or "birthday" bite. he then sucked on my chin and was proceeded by the rest of the men, and stephanie*.

dream 012: cast of characters: unmentionable girl #1 and #2
i was talking to someone and making jokes. #1 would chime in and shyly try too hard to be funny. #2 sat and pouted and did not talk, laugh or smile.

drean 013: cast of characters: unmentionable girls' brother, who, in the dream, was a recent customer of drug mart
the girls brother was sitting in a workout facility/warehouse with me, teaching me computer skills.

dream 014: in reality, i called a feria haircolor hotline the other day to ask about the affects of dying my hair. she told me to mix the hair color chemicals a certain way. in this dream, i mixed them wrong, dyed my hair, and it turned bright red.

dream 015: cast of characters: one of my teachers
unmentionable teacher was talking to me. the whole scene was fuzzy and very dreamy-dreamlike. he asked me if i had been officially added to his class roster. as i began to answer him, [in real life]my dad screamed at me to wake up and get ready for work. there was a huge flash of light in my eyes/brain/whatever as i opened my eyes and woke up. it was frightening.

dream 016ish: cast of characters: chinese person, class of boys(i had the dreams while under the influence at ohio university this weekend)
i had a chain of about 5 dreams. all of them consisted of a main character who was chinese. in one of the dreams, the character was a very scary looking monster. in another, i had a mental disability and was standing naked atop a toilet seat in a stall at an ou communal bathroom.

dream 020

2009-03-10T16:09:00.001-04:00

There was an intruder at Greg's as he and I were sleeping. We had just put a piece of furniture together and had some leftover wood slats that we picked up, wielding them as we tiptoed down stairs. He yelled for whoever was there to come out and turned on the lights. It was a creepy looking guy with long scraggly hair and a metal band t-shirt on. We soon discovered that he was a gay guy who liked Greg & wanted to get rid of me so he could have him. I made nice with him..or tried..and pretended Greg & I were just friends so that he'd not feel threatened/leave/not want to harm us. I could sense that he was either mentally deranged or on drugs, as is the case in most of the episodes of "I Survived..." Greg & I had watched involving late night home invasions, so I tried my best to get him on my side or to sympathize with him. He wasn't having it, and another person entered the apartment, armed. All of a sudden, Jen was there. We were crouched on the floor against the wall, Greg to my left and Jen to my right. I knew it was a bad idea, but I was willing to take a chance to save all three of our lives or at least theirs, so with the two pistols I was suddenly armed with, I raised them and took multiple shots in the directions of both the guy and his accomplice. I missed. In trying to protect Greg and Jen and, I put them in harm's way because the accomplice fired a round in our direction. One bullet came straight at us and I pushed their heads and bodies forward so it would miss them. In doing so, I was shot in the side of the back of my head. The intruders fled the scene. I had to walk to hospital and did so alone. I was losing blood and was in & out of consciousness the whole way there. Along the way, people would come up to me and get in my face and taunt me. They kept telling me that I was ugly annoying gross disgusting stupid sucked lame, etc. I had to accept it. Because I was so weak, I couldn't argue or fight back, not that I necessarily could detest some of their claims, which were eye-opening. I didn't so much feel a physical pain from the gunshot wound, but rather an emotional pain and guilt. I swallowed my pride and also felt inside that those taunts were meant for me to understand that I'd done it to myself and that if I died, I would have to spend my after-life knowing that I wasted my time on Earth because I did not live up to my full potential or ever acquire the depth of relationships that I was meant or live each day fully..that I had full and complete control over the precious life I was given and had squandered all 22 years of it. I knew I was going to die. I was unable to communicate any longer and was slipping away and only felt these emotions internally as my life closed in on me. I had the painful regret of realizing that I was alone by choice - I'd pushed everyone away - and that I'd spent my life putting petty things in front of my relationships with family and friends instead of taking charge and seeing to it that my life had meaning, importance, purpose..instead of using my time for my personal benefit..so that I was happy with myself and what I'd worked hard for and accomplished in order to reach that happiness. I didn't get to say goodbye to any of my loved ones and felt most guilty and horrible because I did not try to improve my life while I still had the chance to do so with total control. The overwhelming sadness that I was going to die and did not come to such conclusions until then made me wake up with a sense that my dreams were trying to communicate that with me in blatant words because I've been unable to see it in my own life, and it is something that I desperately needed to be aware of and think about. It made me realize that I need to take charge of my life and make it as good as I can and ensure that I am happy with myself and have fulfilling relationships in my life to supplement that happiness. It also made me fearful of death, should it ever happen before I am able to make of my life what it is meant to be. It felt most prophetic as in reality, I've recently been feeling a complete lack of control over my life and my personal happiness and my ability to function appropriately in my role in all of my relationships. The timing was bizarrely perfect considering those stresses that I've been having.

I woke up crying my eyes out.

dreams 018 & 019

2009-02-18T15:45:00.006-05:00

I went to a Madlib show in a random basement somewhere. I walked up to him after the show and said, "Hi, you're going to be my boyfriend." And he tried to persuade me to come into a bathroom with him. I told him to hold on and keep my wallet as collateral and that I'd be right back! When I returned with my friends, he was gone and all of the gates were closing and we were getting kicked out. I started freaking out because my wallet was gone and I've gotten pretty used to it, and not because I want to be. I went to find my friends, who were Jen and some other people I don't recall, and .. Mrs. Messick .. my high school economics teacher. She was very adamant about helping me get my wallet back. We went to the police but I was scared that if Madlib found out I was accusing him, he'd try to kill me. So I decided to take the search upon myself. My bank called me and asked me about some recent unusual transactions on my account and then told me the name of the person who made them ("Malia" something), when I verified that I was the real owner of the card. With her names, I was able to find the girl. She and her friend had been staying in a hotel room with Madlib that night .. they were younger than me and from Canada. I threatened to make their lives a living hell when I found them and they ended up giving me back my card and returning the money they spent. We were in Florida near the Everglades, staying in house on stilts that was in the water. There were alligator/swamp tours going on around us. Then we took a Greyhound-like bus to their home and along the ride, the girl told me all about her life and how bad it was and I gave her lots of advice and felt kind of sorry for her, but still had fear that she'd do something like what she did to me again.

-----------------------------------------------

I was with a guy named Brent on campus and we were trying to get a cab home. A van picked us up and an old woman was driving. We got into the middle seat and sat back for the ride home. The lady picked up another guy who was kind of chach-y but cute. He sat in the front seat. I was drunkenly fliting with him and Brent was becoming protective of me and trying to lessen my come-ons. The chach guy first pretended to be turned off by me and wasn't having it. But the longer the ride became, the more he got into it. He turned around in his seat to face me and began to fully engage me. The tension between Brent and chach guy was growing and it was uncomfortable. I wanted to flirt with chach guy, but I also didn't want to upset Brent, even though he was just my friend. The lady driving the van picked up some crazy drunk kids and they provided the perfect amount of chaos to allow Brent to lose complete control over trying to keep me from talking to chach guy. Chach guy came into the middle seat with me and we started kissing. Brent saw us and I felt extremely awkward, but we kept kissing anyway. The old lady driving the van directed our attention to random 'landmarks' we were driving by - she was taking us on a totally bizarre route through Columbus and pointing things out along the way. I then realized that instead of getting in a typical taxi cab, we'd gotten into a van that took passengers on a tour of Columbus. We were driving on the freeway, and because the van was so tall (much like a double-decker bus) we could see the roofs of tall buildings downtown that we were driving by. On the tops of them were huge larger-than-life size sculptures of kids in action on playgrounds. I said, "I've lived in Columbus for 21 years and I've never even seen these before!" and was really excited. Chach guy was an out-of-state OSU student and was excited to see the 'landmarks', too. We dropped off the crazy kids. After that, we were driving through very dark roads in Hilliard near Hyde Park. I secretly hoped that we'd be dropping off Brent/Larry first (Brent turned into this guy Larry - it wasn't a noticeable change in the dream, but when I woke up I realized that in the latter part of the dream, Brent was Larry) so that chach guy and I could have some more fun. He told me that he wanted me to spend the night with him, but I couldn't decide I should or not, but felt it was a bad idea. We were driving towards Galloway near by old house when I spotted Brent/Larry's house and then all of a sudden there was a small kid in the van and he was Brent/Larry's neighbor. We dropped them off. I asked chach guy where we lived because I figured he lived on campus, which we were very far away from. He was embarassed to tell me that he still lived at home and I told him not to worry about it because I didn't move out of my parent's house until the summer before my junior year of college. The tour-guide/cab-driver lady dropped us off at chach guy's parents' house and we ended up having a sleepover with his little sister and her tweeny-bopper friends.

dream 017

2009-02-16T23:02:00.004-05:00

I was - and I remember this with visual clarity - getting breast implants, and I was awake. The doctor cut off the front of my boobs, grabbed out the existing muscle and fat (which left the skin to sag and fold over.) He tried out a variety of different sized clumps of muscle and fat to implant and I was worried because he was being so indecisive - I didn't want my wounds just sitting open, probably getting infected. I don't remember ever actually sealing the implants in my body.

My gay friend told me he was getting married, and as we chatted, we happened upon a church in which a wedding between people we went to high school with was in procession.

dream 016

2008-12-26T20:50:00.004-05:00

i was dating caleb followill of kings of leon.

i was attending a high school reunion for the class of, like, 2001 at darby. people who had turned out completely normal were transformed back into their drug-doing high school selves and there was a clan of former students who raced monster trucks. the racing in the parking lot was such an epidemic that the school had created an impound lot that automatically transported the racing vehicle into the lot and compacted it.

celebrities in my dreamz

2008-12-12T17:21:00.002-05:00

the following people showed up in my dream two nights ago:
britney spears (we were best friends and i was her assistant)
ashton kutcher

dream 015

2008-12-05T18:05:00.004-05:00

An unpopular girl from high school invited everyone from Darby to go to her house way out in the country for a weekend of camping, swimming and fun. Surprisingly, everyone showed up. There was tons of alcohol and so many things to do. I ran into a bunch of old faces from Hilliard and chatted with them throughout different parts of the dream. I was supposed to meet up with Ian there, but then I saw him with a girl and he gave me an "oops, sorry..?!" kind of look. I was drinking gin & tonics with lime (and for the record, in reality I absolutely HATE gin) and I kept leaving them everywhere! I'd have one made for me, walk around, set it down, try to find it with no success and repeat the process all over again. This happened at least 5 times in the dream. A few times, I stole unattended drinks.

Later in the dream, I was in very large house. I was carrying around a dildo, and my family were at the house, so I kept trying to hide it anytime anyone came around. I dropped it a few times and luckily no one noticed it. I left it in the bathroom once, and I knew someone had gone in there because other items had been moved around. I was certain someone had seen it, but no one confessed or confronted me about it (which was my worst nightmare.)

My cousin Charlotte and I were in the basement of the house, sorting through a bunch of junk down there. The basement, in proportion with the scale of the house, was the size of a warehouse. It was completely filled with random things all over the place. We had found some Christmas decorations and, aligned with reality, it was near Christmas so we decided to bring them upstairs. Charlotte had mentioned something to me about how there were some really old chocolates and not to eat them. Time elapsed and we'd been handling more decorations and such, and as I entered the kitchen I happened upon a bowl of candies. There was an Andes mint in the bowl, which reminded me of Charlotte & her family's old house in Golfview Woods because her mom always put Andes mints in a candy dish in their living room during the holidays. I couldn't resist, and when I chomped into it, it tasted like....like the worst taste ever to enter ones palate. I had totally forgotten her warning not to eat the candy, not realizing that the candy dish I'd found was the one found earlier in the basement and deemed to be 7 or more years old.

Alone, I headed to the basement again, dildo still in hand and came to an area that was arranged pretty neatly for the most part, but its contents were an array of carnival prizes and props (ie; glass bottles, balloons, darts, huge stuffed animals, fish bowls) and party store supplies (erasers, temporary tattoos, pencils, goody bags, party hats, etc.) I also found a box full of memorabilia from my elementary and middle school years. Opening it, I found Nsync concert tickets from the concert I went to in seventh grade. Instantaneously, Justin Timberlake showed up. We chuckled together over the items (there were posters and concert tees and programs, too) and he offered to help me clean up the basement.

dream 014

2008-11-21T18:54:00.003-05:00

i forgot... sometime last week i had a dream that my mom left my dad and married bobby flay, and i completely withdrew from everyone. i wouldn't talk to anyone and i couldn't stop crying for the rest of my dream. ...i guess this is an ongoing pattern in my dreams - the whole crying thing. jeeeeezzzz.

dream 013

2008-11-20T14:38:00.003-05:00

jenna told me she had something to tell me. i left her a facebook comment saying something about "you're toooootally going to tell me you're pregnant, right? HAHAHAH, YEAH! RIGHT!!!" in a totally joking manner. she invited me to go out for dinner, and i bought a bottle of wine and made my way to the restaurant. when i got there, her immediate family was there, and before i even sat down she said, "kate....i'm pregnant!" i burst into tears, crying hysterically. then rodney (my cousin lacey's son henry's father) walked into the restaurant and sat down at our table. i knew immediately that that meant that he was the father, and she confirmed it by nodding at me when i gave her a puzzled look. i was happy for her that she was actually pregnant, but i was furious that she'd slept with him and was going to have a baby with the same guy who made henry. i didn't stop crying for the rest of the dream.

dreamiezzz; not so good

2008-11-13T09:07:00.003-05:00

i keep having long, extremely elaborate dreams. i can read all of the text on everything, can read brand names on clothes and packaging, notice people's eye color, have in-depth conversations, spell out words, write words and numbers down. they're extremely detailed...so much so that my brain is apparently so focused on the near-reality likeness of them, that it won't allow me to snap out of the dream and wake up - like...sleep for 14 hours and not even slightly wake up. it's happened three times in 4 days. it's sort of scary. :/

dream 012 (even though i've had a million i haven't documented)

2008-11-07T15:14:00.007-05:00

i was going to the thornapple area and was by the golf course. it was raining (which i suspect was a relevant part of the dream because i was sleeping in reality with my window open and it was pouring rain outside and i could hear it.) the street had flooded so i couldn't drive through (i wasn't even in a car, though, but i knew i couldn't drive through it.) i finally got to where i was going and was hanging out with marlie morgan & stephanie snyder. stephanie was pregnant and we were at her baby shower. there were pictures of myself and hello kitty all over the refrigerator, and some with shawna harrington. shawna's mom came to me and said "recognize the theme!?!" weird. i left the shower for a little bit and went over to sarah wendel's house. she and her mom were playing with a dog that sarah and i shared. i took a bunch of pictures and polaroids of the dog, then went back to stephanie's baby shower. i remember seeing stephanie's dad, who was the human version of kyle from south park's dad (and until last night, i had no idea who that character was or what he looked like because i don't watch south park... but my tv was on comedy central in the background and i watched the new episode which was a parody of the election and kyle's dad was a rabid obama supporter...haha..) while at the shower, i was suddenly pregnant. it was agreed that when i had the baby, abbey and i had to share it. i didn't go through any kind of birthing, but the baby came to be, and abbey kept trying to take it away from me and not let me anywhere near it. i was too busy trying to figure out how to work abbey's camera (which was a canon powershot sd1100 ... and of course i have dreams in which the electronics are distinctly identifiable because i sell cameras for a living, haha) .. she took my baby away and also grabbed the camera out of my hands because she wanted everything to herself. i was furious.

at one point during the dream, i was in a house that was set up like my across-the-street neighbors' from childhood. the front door lead immediately downstairs or up. i don't know who's house it was or why i was there or who any of the people there were. an old light-skinned black woman came to the front door to pick up something she had ordered. i don't know what she had ordered, but i wondered why the owner of the house had made whatever it was and allowed people to come pick it up instead of delivering it to them. the woman had a really ugly, stupid dog with her and it kept biting me. when it bit me, it's mouth suctioned to my leg - and this is a gross description, i know, but in the dream it was the visual i kept getting - much the way a vagina suctions a penis inward. i tried to kick the dog off of me but it kept sucking and biting me!

other people's dreams

2008-11-07T01:36:00.004-05:00

i'm pregnant and getting married according to other people's dreams. :/

dream 011

2008-09-10T12:42:00.005-04:00

i had a motorized sitting scooter thing, like those hover-rounds they advertise on tv for old, immobile people. i rode it all around town telling everyone how i was saving the earth/reducing my harmful emissions. i rode it to aldi. myself and the other dozen college students there were locked inside until 9pm. as we were finally released at 9pm, a girl and i talked about how illegal that probably was that they had held us there against our will. riding through the parking lot, i saw amanda huston, who was a manager at aldi.

dream 010

2008-09-04T01:39:00.003-04:00

i was eating dinner in an unfinished basement with matt k's mom and his younger brother, who was also a twin (aka his mom had two sets of twins). i was dating tom cruise and he took me to the republican national convention with him and there were paparazzi everywhere taking photos of us and i was thinking, "omg, i'm going to be all over the internet tomorrow."

dream 009

2008-08-27T14:12:00.003-04:00

i was at a restaurant with lots of friends. we were there for a rap show. we were in the waiting area, waiting to be seated. also in the waiting area was a girl i remember from middle school. her boyfriend was cradling her in his arms and she was convulsing and bleeding profusely from her arms. we were all kind of grossed out, so we left the waiting area and went outside. i was topless. i don't know why. but i was hot and had perky boobs and no one thought that it was especially weird that i was topless, they were all just giving me lots of attention. people were running around like hoodlums, drinking, popping pills, etc.

while we were all waiting for the show to begin, i noticed that there was a trailer with a small group of people gathered around it on the other side of the parking lot. i ran over and called to jenna to come with me. it was ryan adams' trailer. he was talking to a few people, but i interrupted them all and started talking to him. he talked to me, and wasn't even bothered, the way i feel most musicians and celebrities are when they are bombarded in public. i mentioned that i had read his myspace bulletin the other day about how it pissed him off when fans came up to him and had nothing to say and nothing to talk about. he laughed and said he was glad that i'd read it. we talked about random stuff and i said, "i need a picture of us together, or this never happened." i mean, i needed proof! so he sat down inside his trailer and i was like, "does that mean i can come in? because i can't be in a picture with you if you're in there." he invited me in. we took lots of pictures. i followed him into the bathroom. we made out. we left the bathroom and he laid on the floor. i bent over him and he fondled me. he got out a dildo and started ..doing things with it. then we had sex. i remembered that jenna was in the room, and i stopped him. we took more pictures and i told him he looked cute. he took jenna's camera and started taking pictures of me. he said, "you look cute, too. i like you a lot." jenna pulled me aside and said, "i like taking pictures, kate, and i don't mind, but i don't want to watch you guys have sex." i felt bad.

ryan and i went back to my house, and we loved eachother.

dream 008

2008-08-27T13:40:00.004-04:00

i was coming home late from something. i entered my dark bedroom to find april and some guy having sex in my bed. they stopped when i came into the room, and i asked who the guy was, and she told me that it was prince (or the artist formerly known as..) and i was shocked. i wondered how she found him. we had both been wanting to get it on with prince, but never thought it possible. she said that all she did was search for him on myspace, sent him a message, and then he came over! i wanted my turn, so april left.

although it was dark in my room, i caught a glimpse of his face and said, "you don't look like prince...." & he assured me that he was. i didn't believe him. then the lights turned on and i realized that it was definitely not prince at all. i escorted him out of the house, and across the street, there was a little shop with it's doors wide open. "prince" went in and hugged and kissed a girl working at the counter. i followed and asked the girl how she knew him. "he's my boyfriend!" infuriatedly, i said "DO YOU KNOW THAT HE IS PRETENDING TO BE PRINCE, AND HE CAME ALL THE WAY FROM (wherever he was from) JUST TO HAVE SEX WITH MY FRIEND AND I????" she was in denial about it, and bitched me out, called me a slut, etc.

next thing i knew, the story had made national news and it was a featured story on CNN.

april, jenna and i went to a mall somewhere far away to try and find the perverted "prince" pretender and wandered into a barnes and noble. we were talking really loudly and people kept shushing us, so i yelled that we were there trying to find someone. everyone in b&n looked just like the guy from behind, so we kept having to interrupt all these dudes playing chess and reading.

then we were walking past pacsun and i mentioned that i hadn't stepped foot in a pacific sunwear since middle school and thought it would be funny to see what of stuff they had nowadays. whitney izeugbenum (or however you spell her name, from high school) was working there. i found a bunch of little chinese coin purses on sale for $4.99 and couldn't decide which one to get and a good portion of that part of the dream was spent trying to decide which one to get. there was also a necklace that had bugs in it. they were in this little chamber-like thing. most were dead, but some were still alive. the necklace had instructions to turn it at an angle and look again at the interior of the chamber. at an angle, the bugs looked to form some sort of hollogram of a sea otter. there was a caption with the hollogram that said that the sea otter shown was one that was only found in china once every million years. ....wtf?

then the parking lot of the mall froze and i was by myself. i had to leave and then come back for some reason. upon my return, i made friends with a little girl who asked me if my name was kate. i said "yes, how did you know?" and she said "do you go to D.U.?" and i said no, to which she replied "you look exactly like someone i know that goes there named kate!" i thought it was bizarre. we kept walking and talking, even though she was a little girl, haha.

when i got back inside the mall, i found abbey, jenna, jaime, kayla, katie, kathleen, erin and monika. they were drinking free coffee from this stand at the mall. the stand was christian affiliated and were giving out prizes of diamond jewelry to people who drank the free coffee. we all put our names into a basket and then they chose winners. kathleen won twice and then topanga from boy meets world won. she was given the microphone to give a speech after she found out she won, and she started crying and talking about the power of jesus and how grateful she was and how much she enjoyed being part of the christian-affiliated group.

dream 007

2008-08-27T13:01:00.003-04:00

my parents lived in our old house in galloway and they had a son who was about 2 years old, and he had a baby-friend..like several months old baby. my dad agreed to let the boy and his baby-friend go on a trip together, so they packed their bags and put them in the car - an SUV. dad also allowed the 2 year old boy to drive the SUV. they got in the car and started to drive and i watched it swerve and hit cars all the way down the street until it was almost out of sight. it was driving me crazy that my dad let them do that/didn't care that they were crashing every 2 feet/didn't go after them.

dream 006

2008-08-27T12:59:00.001-04:00

jen and i were related to luke and owen wilson. owen was getting married, and we were hanging out at his wedding and taking pictures specifically so that we could show people when we got back and prove/brag that we were really related to the brothers wilson.

dream(s) 005

2008-08-09T00:16:00.005-04:00

over the last two days these things have happened in my dreams:

- kathleen slept with one of my exes and i confronted her in front of the whole school (it was a high school) and told her mom and everyone else and called her a slut (I'M SO SORRY I KEEP HAVING AWFUL DREAMS ABOUT YOU, KATH!)

- my sister and i were in the same high school class and we had a substitute teacher who was teaching us from jen's bedroom in our old house on stillwater drive .. for some reason, after class let out, he took a shower and stayed in the room. i went into the bedroom and seduced him. during sexual activities, he told me my boobs were jiggly and gave me a contraption to make them firmer. he wore his sunglasses during, and for one glimpse in the dream he was joey fatone from nysnc, but every other time i saw his face he was an extremely attractive guy with facial hair.

- i was at work and we were slammed. people kept coming and coming and coming and coming even though we were closed and i had turned off the lights. i told someone who was walking in the door "sorry, we're closed!" and then said, "oops, i don't think i'm supposed to say that ... oh well!" the other employees and i were so busy that we didn't notice some guy behind the counter who was suspiciously "ringing himself out" and stealing money from the drawer.

- as i was driving through crosscreek neighborhood in hilliard i called my former boss. his friend answered the phone and said "he always told me about you and said you were totally my type and really cute!" and i was flattered.

dream 004

2008-08-04T17:34:00.007-04:00

abbey, jaime and i were watching our usual wednesday night tv shows together when we decided to go get burger king, which was located within the kroger parking lot. this was not the actual kroger or burger king that i know of in the grandview area. while they were ordering - and they walked up to the drive-thru window and were actually served - i went to throw something in the dumpster nearby. all of a sudden i heard a cop car speeding towards the vicinty, and i got scared and ran back to kroger, although i'd done nothing wrong and the cops were not coming for me.

at kroger, i went inside. as i was walking in, i saw two bums and they scared me and stereotypically i figured they were going to mug me. so i hurried and ran inside the building. it was kinda late at night, but for some reason, there were a lot of people in kroger. i was looking for something when i walked in, when i overheard this dumb bimbo talking to her boyfriend who was older and visibly annoyed at her stupidity and constant blabbering on. she was looking for cheaper deodorant and so i told her that it was in some other aisle/section - and i called her "hon'" - heh - and told her i'd help her look for it. i could tell the boyfriend admired me for being so kind and helping out his dumbass girlfriend.

there were a bunch of other trashy girls looking for deodorant. one was looking at perfume which was also in that aisle, and the only perfumes available were by beyonce, a pussycat doll, and gucci. the gucci bottle was in the shape of a high-top sneaker and it was cream colored with neutral colored "GUCCI"s all over it. the girl looked over at her friend and said, "you think this would look good as a tattoo?!"

the girl and i couldn't find the deodorant and this older couple overheard our perilous search. they walked into the next aisle and found it immediately and told us they'd found it. we all chuckled together and have a movie-like togetherness moment.

the girl with the dumb gucci tattoo idea was hella ghetto and she was looking at some decorative glass bottles that were also in the perfume/deodorant aisle. she took each one out and didn't put it away when she was finished looking at them. they were taking up the entire walk-ways worth of the aisle and she was walking away, ready to leave and i said, "hey, didn't you get these out? you should put them away." ghetto girl: "you think i wanna put all those away? no. you put them away!" me: "absolutely not. you need to put them away." i thought for a second she might come at me.

drew smith's friend garrett & snazzy stephy from myspace were roommates with a bunch of other weed-smoking hxc/scene kids. the cops came, i think because they were growing weed in their house. when they did, i went out back because garrett kicked everyone out of the house. there were some pretty flowers and i thought to myself, "i remember taking pictures of these with my new camera."

april ate me out as we had a threesome with some guy at that house and she said, "yet another threesome with one of my best friends!!"

i was on a scary game show that was created by an illustrator/artist. something scary happened at the end of every episode and someone would die. the hosts were franz and this kid named IPILTEDGE. i specifically remember being like, wtf kind of name is that?!?! and then i saw it spelled out somewhere. I-P-I-L-T-E-D-G-E. he wore the weirdest/craziest fucking clothes. street-style/club kid-type stuff. in a montage sequence i remember seeing he and franz out in the street at night on neil avenue by that hospital building or something that i always end up parking by for comfest. the ipiltedge kid was wearing a bear suit.

at the beginning of the show there was this freaky obstacle course that people had to navigate on their own. there were random people all throughout the creepy place that everything took place in. you weren't allowed to watch the show on tv or be a part of it until you were 11 years old, and so the other 11+ kids and i that were on the show were each given some sort of themed costume with props. the point of the show was to see what kind of props would save your life when you came to obstacles that could kill you. some people were princesses, some were lumberjacks.. all very theatrical. when a new segment of the game would be released, all of the contestants would congregate in a creepy underground holding-cell. a man would deliver the illustration (drawn by the artist/creator of the show) to franz and ipiltedge through a pharmacy-type window. they would tell us about the next challenge as we quivered in the dark dungeon of a place. i remember there being typical scary green oozing kinds of smoky light coming from random places in the room.

dream 003

2008-08-01T12:22:00.008-04:00

kathleen tried to hang out with and hit on greg right in front of me and then acted like it was no big deal when i confronted her like, "uhh, bitch, i'm RIGHT here and can HEAR you!!??!" i proceeded to pull her hair and push her down the stairs.

i gave greg a vitamin water sized bottle of cranberry-grape juice when we got out of bed. he shook it up and tried to chug it, spilling/spitting it ALL over my white bed linens and my walls, staining them.

i was with my parents going to an OSU football game and as we were turning onto a street where the hospital was, there was a huge celebration because they'd just opened the new orthodontics office on the fourth floor.

i had a girlfriend and we were in my bed sleeping together. she had big boobs and blonde hair and her tank top and underwear were splatter-painted and for some reason, so were my walls.

i was at bonnaroo and i noticed that the whole festival was so much more organized than it had been before (in real life.) there were cops directing traffic everywhere and it was generally a more pleasant atmosphere and the ampitheatres were better-equipped for viewing live music.

a black guy game up to me and without a word, stuck his tongue in my mouth and proceeded to make out with me. then he walked away, still without saying a word. later on, he was wooing my sister with his charms - actually talking! - and she kept bragging about how great & wonderful he was and i just smirked and kept the prior incident to myself.

a giant pirate/treasure ship came floating through the sky. this thing was bigger than a sky-scraper. there were people i knew inside of it. it had about enough seats to hold a load of roller coaster riders. bill wolfson was one of the people and he yelled out to me, "IT'S A SHAME ALL OF THESE SEATS DIDN'T SELL OUT THIS YEAR!!!"

i was in a grocery store and i saw marvita from the most recent season of ANTM. she was from columbus and i stopped to talk to her and play it cool and take pictures with her and give her compliments.

dream 002

2008-07-31T18:12:00.008-04:00

thursday, july 31, 2008

i was walking through a grocery store and pushing a cart. i'd run into ryan martin in one aisle and we'd talk about jenna k. and then in the next aisle i'd run into jenna and we'd talk about ryan.

intermittently, i was having a conversation with jimi payne via IM. but i wasn't on a computer or a phone or anything.

there was an art show at the school jen and i went to (which resembled a high school.) there was all this talk about how cheapened the art program had become and how no one gave a shit anymore, and the pieces that were chosen to be put up on display were complete crap. as i walked the perimeter of the school, i saw jess helping hang a large stupid poster-sized piece of "art" on the windows outside in the courtyard. strolling further down the hallway i ran into the only cool thing at the art show - some dude had painted a larger-than-life-size box mint green, and then taped that off and painted the upper and lower portions of the box blackish-brown and was a giant mint-chocolate ice cream sandwich. the project was intended for people to get hands-on with it, and you could make your own version in whatever colors (flavors) you wanted, and then it would get wrapped up in graphically labeled ramen noodle-esque packaging.

i was talking to this dude (who, in my dream i knew from high school, but didn't really) about graphic design, and i was trying to ask him how to do something on photoshop, but i couldn't explain it correctly. jimi chimed in via invisible text message yet again and was like, "are you serious? if you don't know how to do that you're a fucking idiot."

then jen and i were rounding the corner of the school again and we'd apparently been walking for miles. alongside us came this older-ish couple with a dog on a leash. we stopped to pet the dog and we told them all about sam and how much we loved him and how hard it was for us to let him go. they told us that they'd had to do that with a pet before, too, and that it would be okay because you never forget a pet that you love as a family member. i wanted to continue to walk with them, but jen was sick of walking and was like, "UGGGHHHH SO WHAT? ARE WE GOING TO CALL A CAB?" and i was mad that she was being so insensitive.

dream 001

2008-07-31T01:43:00.001-04:00

wednesday, june 30, 2008

i was in my bedroom with kathleen. she had no undergarments on and was clearly displaying a fully erect, thick penis. she also had a vagina directly under the penis (with which there were no balls attached.) i asked her if when she had sex it made things weird, and if she used both her penis and vagina during sex. she said that she never used her penis because it was always numb.